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Arya wanted to scream. However, the faint step and drag of Zeus's hobbled gait grew closer on the other side of the door. Her heart thundered in her ears. No way he would let her live this time. He had promised her that the next unsatisfied customer to emerge from her cell would be her last. Her mouth dried as the chipped gold enamel door knob twisted and the dingy, off-white door swung inward, the soft squeal of old hinges a melancholy theme song, that introduced Zeus's towering form.
She backed away and cowered in the corner, unshed tears in her eyes as he advanced across the room. The slow rhythmic manner in which he spun, then unwound the soiled towel in between his hands, hypnotized her. In one quick motion he uncoiled the towel, it swooped and a quick twist of the towel choked off her air as her tiny, half-clothed, pre-pubescent frame lifted away from the grime-coated hardwood floor.
"Hey, you know that missing persons report regarding the 12 year old girl, came in 'bout a month ago. Her body just turned up in a dumpster two blocks over from that diner up on Dunston Street."
"Anyone been assigned?"
"Not yet"
"What're we waitin' for?" Karl grabs his overcoat and heads for the precinct door, with his partner Graves close on his heels. "This makes the third, in the last six months." Another waste of time where no one saw a thing, but may have heard something untoward. Sheesh! And to think I could have joined the Merchant Marines.
Gritty! You did a great job describing the setting. Cool story.
ReplyDeleteGreat effort and you are to be commended. Just the right amount of creepy.
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I can understand time pressure. This week has been hectic, as are most. It's a good start. There's just enough for the reader to know the full story, but I think there's a lot more that can be told. I like your title.
ReplyDeleteGreat story!
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued by the names you chose for your characters, in particular Zeus.
ReplyDeleteYou did a splendid job of establishing the setting and the sense of desperation in the first part of the story. I agree with Ron, that this could be expanded into a larger tale, should you decide to revisit it sometime.
Nicely done!
I wanted to wash my hands after reading this... creepy, gritty, dark... excellent!! You create some great imagery in literally a handful of words... good job!
ReplyDeleteMy only complaint... I want more!! Lol!!
This had a real dirty back alley feel to it. Perfect for noir/crime fiction. For some, the world can be an extremely vile and dangerous place, and for other trying to bring some light into all that darkness, it can be full of chaos and frustration. You have shown us both side very well. Excellent job.
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